Heman and Shera have escaped'
by Lady deWinter
Summary: A play in which two troopers tell their side of the story in 'The Secret of the Sword,' in the style of 'Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead'


'He-man and She-ra have escaped

'He-man and She-ra have escaped!'

Dramatis Personae

Hordak- leader of the horde on Etheria 

Shadow Weaver- his aide, a witch.

Catra-

Scorpia} -Horde Officers

Grizzlor

Mantenna

1st Trooper}

2nd Trooper}-Soldiers in the Horde

Marc-a trooper

Bow- a rebel

Adam/He-man- Prince of Eternia, the strongest man in the universe

Adora- A force captain of the Horde, later She-ra, a rebel.

Skeletor- an old pupil of Hordak now living on Eternia

An Innkeeper

Troopers, Rebels, and Villagers

The action takes place on Etheria, in and around the Fright Zone, and later on Eternia.

Act 1, scene 1 – An Army barracks in Doom Tower

(An group of soldiers are sitting around doing nothing in particular, some are playing cards, others are arm wrestling and some are asleep. Two troopers are tossing a coin) 1ST T: Heads… Heads…Heads…Heads 2nd T:Have you noticed how many heads we're getting? Tails…it has to be… 1st T: Heads again.

(Shadow Weaver appears in the middle of the room in a puff of smoke)

Shadow Weaver: I want a patrol of three to go to Thaymoor with me now!

1st Trooper: Keep your head down! Don't look at her. 

2nd Trooper: Righto!

Shadow Weaver: YOU!(She points directly at them) And you! (Pointing at a large trooper arm wrestling)

1st T: Oh no – not with Marc – please don't say with Marc!.. don't believe our bad luck.

(Marc stands up knocking over a pile of uniform with a crash!)

Marc: Come on you two lets go and cause some trouble. heh heh!

1st T: See what I mean. He'll bring rebels down from all sides - we'll never get away in one piece.

Shadow Weaver: Now! (She starts to hiss)

1st T :On the other hand – it will be good to get away for a bit…

Scene 2 –Thaymoor

Marc: Hurry up, you two, stop dawdling. We've got rebels to tax.

1st T: (Wheezing) Coming as fast as I can.

(2nd Trooper puts on a fake limp)

2nd T:(feebly) Go on without me, I just don't think I can make it.

Marc: Look you two. Do you want me to report you to Shadow Weaver for insubordination?(They shake their heads very thoroughly and the limp and wheezing ceases immediately) Right. Well get moving. Perhaps we'll go for a drink in The Laughing Swan Inn and listen for any rebel gossip.

1st T: Just what we need. Marc brings trouble easily but when he's drunk, he won't even have to try…

Scene 3- The Inn at Thaymoor.

The troopers enter the Inn armed with Stun weapons.

Marc: Right you two I want to sit there. 

1st T: But there's someone sitting there.

Marc: Then move them.

1st T: Okay, okay. (They throw the customers out of the door.)

(A minstrel starts playing) 

Marc: I don't like that sound. (He shoots the minstrels harp)

2nd T: Teach the music maker a lesson Marc.

1st T: Will you shut up! That's just asking for trouble.

(A stranger leaps up and runs towards them and pulls out a bow)

Marc: You have a loose tongue citizen but you won't talk so loud when you're chained to the oar of a slave ship. Get him men!

1st T (bravely): Surrender Citizen!

2nd T: Watch out! 

Marc: So, another trouble maker…

(Another stranger leaps up)

Adam: Looks like you could use a hand. 

Bow: Thanks. (to guardsmen) Now you're going to get it!

1st T: No, please sit back down. Agh! 

(Bow has shot Marc)

Scene 3- Doom Tower

Marc: Useless fools! Dolts! You did nothing to help me.

1st T : Now, Marc you know that just isn't true. We were by your side the whole way.

2nd T: Absolutely. Except when that stranger knocked us in those crates.

Marc: We must report this stranger. Hordak will be pleased with us for bringing him this news.

2nd T: Are you sure? He looked like the sort of stranger Hordak could do without.

Marc: (firmly) Report to Shadow Weaver immediately.

2nd T: Us? But why can't you…

1st T: (aside) Shut up. (To Marc) Of course we will. 

(Marc leaves. His walk is distinctly wobbly)

Aha! Look at that. That Stranger has ruined Marc's joints!

2nd T: Why have we got to report?

1st T : Because you moron, If we let Marc do it he'll puff the story up with his ownglory and make out we were useless.

2nd T: Oh I see. That's clever of you.

1st T: Shhh! There she is. (To Shadow Weaver) Mighty Shadow Weaver! We have a report from Thaymoor.

Shadow Weaver: Yesss! What is it you fools. 

1st T: There is a mysterious stranger come to join the rebellion. He has immense strength and control over a giant green tiger. He flattened Marc and then left for the Whispering Woods with Bow the rebel.

Shadow Weaver: Hmm… This does not bode well. I shall report this to Hordak and then consult my magic. Dismissed. (she disapears in a puff of green smoke)

2nd T: Well that was easy. 

1st T : And how would you know. You said nothing. You're scared of Shadow Weaver!

2nd T: No it isn't that at all. I just don't like her perfume.'

1st T: What? Her perfume? That is ridiculous. 

2nd T: Not at all. When I was a baby, I was savaged by someone with exactly that perfume.

1st T: Hah! What rubbish.

2nd T: Honestly, it's absolutely true.

Scene 4 –Thaymoor.

Hordak and all of his aides are present in the town square loading men into the slave transporter. 

1st T: I can't believe we're back here again. After what happened last time. 

2nd T: What did happen last time?

1st:T: The fight at the Inn? Remember?

2nd T: Oh yes. Well at least there are no rebels around now.

1st T: For now. I bet they are watching us right now.

Fireworks suddenly erupt in the sky. Farmers suddenly pour towards the transport.

Farmers: Etheria! Etheria!

Catra: Get them trrrroopers!

1st T: Told you so. Let's get out of here!

2nd T: Where?

1st T: In that barn, quickly! 

(They hurry out and listen to the shouts of the battle. There are also some sounds of a cat mioawing in pain.)

1st T and 2nd T: Catra!! Ha ha ha!

(Adora rushes into the barn. He-man follows brandishing a sword. They fight. 1st T and 2nd T edge towards the door, stunners at the ready. He-mans sword begins to glow.)

He-man: Wait, you must be the one I came here to find!

Adora: Is that so stranger.

Ist Trooper fires nervously at He-man's back. He collapses.

Adora: Good Work Trooper! Hordak will reward you for your courage in capturing the traitor.

Scene 5 – Beast Island

Hordak: Excellent work Trooper! You will be promoted to a Sergeant in the guard.

1st T: Thank you mighty Hordak.

Hordak: Now get out of my sight and go up to the guard tower and watch out for those rebels.

1st T: Yes mighty Hordak.

2ns T: You were so funny in there – all you did was grovel. Yes mighty Hordak, No mighty Hordak! It was hilarious.

1st T: Shut up! You would never survive here without me. You have to learn when to keep your mouth shut.

2nd T (mocking):Yes mighty one!

(1st Trooper turns on him angrily)

1st T: Just watch it! I'm a sergeant now.

2nd T: Okay okay.

1st T: Look there's someone leaving. (Shouting with Authority) Halt state your business.

Adora: Force Captain Adora on a special mission for Hordak.

1st T: Pass.

(Adora leaves)

2nd T: You think you are so cool don't you. Just because you shot that stranger.

1st T: No. 

2nd T: You nearly missed.

1st T: No I didn't.

2nd T: It was an awful shot. Hordak would never have promoted you if he'd seen that shot.

1st T: It hit him didn't it?

2nd T: Barely. '

1st T: Will you just be quiet. My mind is not concentrating on this guard duty with you babbling on in my ear.

2nd T: Fine. You need to concentrate with an aim like yours.

(1st Trooper raises his stun weapon about to fire at 2nd Trooper but Glimmer suddenly appears between them.)

Glimmer: Hello Boys! 

(She grabs his stun weapon and shoots them both)

2nd T: Ah! That light. I can't see!

(They collapse)

Scene6 –Barracks, Beast Island

1st T: That was a lucky escape.

2nd T: Very Lucky…ow, careful with that bandage.

1st T: Shhh! We need to be out of action for a while…or do you want to go back up there for another beating from the rebels?

Shadow Weaver: (shouting) All troopers to Corridor 9, the rebels are escaping!! Move it you fools!

1st T: See what I mean? We can take it easy with our injuries.

Shadow Weaver: What are you two dolts doing?

1st T: We're injured mighty Shadow Weaver.

Shadow Weaver: Then get back to the Fright Zone immediately, you're no use here.

1st T: Right away Shadow Weaver…

Scene 7 – The Fright Zone

The troopers are relaxing alongside of a group of seemingly passive slaves. Ist T is tossing a coin again.

1st T: Heads…Heads… Heads…

2nd T: Tails?

1st T: Heads again. Ah, this is the life… I told you we could avoid trouble…

Peasant: Water! Water!

Marc: Throw him in the pool!

2nd T: Righto Marc!

Marc: (laughing) Enjoying your water old man?!

1st T: No Hordak, No Shadow Weaver, no orders from the likes of Catra or Adora. Perfect…

2nd T: I completely agree. I hope they stay on Beast Island for a while.

Marc: Back to the fright zone lads!

1st T: Well lets go and find out if the great one is home.

(They march off)

1st T: Doom Tower at last…

2nd T: Home sweet Home.

1st T: Hey! Marc's disappeared! He was behind me a minute ago.

2nd T: Excellent! He probably wandered into a bog or something…no more orders! Wicked!

1st T: But don't you think it's a bit odd?

2nd T: Nah! He hadn't polished his visor in ages. It was filthy, I doubt he could see where he was going.

1st T: No wait, here he comes now.

2nd T: Dammit!

1st T: Look there is shadow Weaver and Hordak waiting for us- do you think they will be angry we didn't take any more prisoners?

Shadow Weaver: Go back to your barracks men, (to Marc) a word with you Trooper. 

(The trooper is pulled aside- under his visor is he-man!)

1st T: Lets go!

2nd T: Right!

Scene 8 – The Fright Zone

(Troopers are asleep in their barracks, Shadow Weaver appears in a puff of smoke)

Shadow Weaver- Troopers! To your feet and down to the magna beam chamber quickly! He-man is escaping!

Troopers: Yes mighty Shadow Weaver! 

(They stumble after her, dragging blasters and stun weapons. In the magna beam chamber He-man and She-ra are standing surrounded by members of the Horde)

Hordak: Aha! The magna beam – it is fully charged! Guards! Capture He-man and the warrior woman at your leisure. I'm going to prepare my magna beam. 

He-,man: Magna beam?

She-ra: Don't ask. We have to stop him.

He-man: I'll take care of these tin-cans. You follow Hordak and warn the rebellion.

She-ra: Right!

(She leaves through the ceiling.)

He-man: How do you like dominoes? (he gives a hefty punch at 2nd T)

2nd T: Aghh! Help. I'm falling.

1st T: No! Not on me, not on me!

(2nd T lands directly on him and the whole group fall like dominoes in a line.)

He-man: You guys are going to have to do better than that!

1st T: Not good enough rebel, I have you.

He-man: No tin-robot can hold He-man for long!

2nd T: Oh no he's getting away.

(He-man runs out.)

1st T: Well we should be all right, someone with an ego that big will never fit through the door.

2nd T:Huh?!

1st T: But seriously…

(There is a long silence broken only by the clanking sound of troopers getting to their feet.)

2nd T: Hordak will have us for scrap metal. What are we going to tell him?

1st T: Don't worry. We'll just pass the blame. It's always the best way to get out of these situations.

2nd T; Blame who?

1st T: (airily) Oh anyone, it really doesn't matter. Come on then, lets go and report.

(They stroll slowly upstairs and find Hordak on the battlements. He does not look happy)

1st T: (Tentatively) Mighty Hordak?

Hordak: (Through clenched teeth) Yes?

1st T: He-man and She-ra have escaped.

Hordak: Who? She-ra? I don't even know who She-ra is. Might I hazard a guess that (he points to a unicorn with two passengers flying towards the woods) THAT is She-ra?

1st T: Oh…er...yes, that's her. I see you have been told already…well, we'll just leave now then. (edging towards the door)

Hordak: When I find out who let them escape they'll wish they had never been born. Do you know how they got out of the cell?

1st T: Oh…er…

2nd T (confidently): It was Shadow Weaver.

Hordak and 1st Trooper together: What?!

2nd T:(grins encouragingly at 1st T) yeah, Shadow Weaver let them escape. I saw her myself.

Hordak: Just wait 'til I find her.

(Storms out)

1st T: (Open mouthed) What on all Etheria did you just do?

2nd T: (Triumphant smile is starting to fade)Well you did say blame anyone.

1st T: So you plumped for Shadow Weaver? Shadow Weaver of all people. Do you have any idea what she'll do to us when she finds us? We'll probably end up as pond slime in the valley of the lost!

2nd T: (Now looking distinctly uneasy) But… you said you weren't scared of her. 

1st T: (In frustration) Aghhh!!! Of course I'm scared of her – you find me a trooper that isn't. We'll have to leave at once. And my mother had such hopes for me. 'Be a horde trooper' she said 'The pay's good and there is such prospects – you might end up an officer. My boy, I'm so proud of you'she said when I got issued with my uniform,' AND NOW YOU have thrown it all away! (Suddenly weary) Come on, let's pack some things.

2nd T: Oh…er…sorry. 

(They leave together)

Scene 9 – A meadow on Etheria

1st T: Look at that, pretty trees, nice flowers, this is the life. 

2nd T: You're right. Something tells me everything's going to be alright. That we'll never have to see Hordak again. 

1st T: There's someone down there. Who is it?

2ndT: Just a man and a woman on horseback.

1st T; I know her, that's force captain Adora! Hordak will reward us for capturing her!

2nd T: But you said we'd never…

1st: T: Sssh! Just catch them. 

2nd T: There's a dimensional gate!They're going through it! 

1st T: Follow them! If we catch them Hordak will reward us- if not we will be far away from him. Quick!

Scene 10- 

1st T: Where are we?

2nd T: I don't know- it's awfully gloomy though.

1st T : What's that?

2nd T: Hordak!

(Hordak has appeared from out of the gate)

Hordak :Excellent work in following troopers! You will spy on Skeletor for me and check that he doesn't try and double cross me. Keep behind me and pay attention. 

Scene 11 – Snake Mountain

(The Troopers are hiding in two barrels in a dungeon.)

2nd T: How long do we have to stay here.

1st T: Shh! We are supposed to be keeping watch.

2nd T: But that was hours ago! Hordak should be back by now.

1st T: Well we can't leave yet- quick someone's coming be quiet!

(Beastman appears carrying Adora)

Beastman: ugh! You're a pretty little thing aren't you!

(They leave)

2nd T: Did you see that bloke- he was disgusting! All hairy.

1st T: I don't suppose you saw who he was carrying?

2nd T: Er no? Should I have?

1st T: It was Force Captain Adora you idiot! This is our chance, get up! We have to follow them.

2nd T: Now?

1st T: Yes!!!

(They leap up and are about to follow them when Adora runs back into the room alone)

Adora: Sorry boys, no time to stop and chat.

(She knocks them both out with her sword and they crumple to the floor)

Scene 12 –A cell inside Snake Mountain.

1st T: Hey! Where are we? What are we doing here?

2nd T: I thought we were sent here. Hordak…he sent us here.

1st T: In a cell? But why? Why didn't we refuse?

2nd T: I don't know…could we have refused?

1st T: So this is it then. A cell in Snake Mountain. But how did we get here? Who put us here.

2nd T: Skeletor I suppose…he must of found us…but I can't be sure. 

1st T: But we've done nothing wrong! We didn't harm anyone. (Pause) Did we?

2nd T: I can't remember.

1st T: I don't care, I've had enough, to tell you the truth I'm relieved.

Scene 13 – The Fright Zone

Mantenna: A messenger from Skeletor m-m-mighty Hordak

Hordak: What does that great moron want?You do know that He-man and She-ra have escaped?

Messenger: Then our affairs from Eternia come too late,

To tell you that your1st and 2nd Troopers are dead.

Hordak: He found them did he? Skeletor. Never mind…I had forgotten about them- I never sent for them.


End file.
